Everything Wrong With: LoHH, Pt 1 by Me
by GamesMaster64
Summary: What if I looked at everything wrong with The Legend of Hyrule Hearts, pt. 1? This results. Please note that none of the story has been changed, just that I merely add in my own comments. This is for fun (and the Rule of Funny), and not meant to be taken seriously!
1. Chapter 1

**A/N:** Well, it's not the next chapter of LoHH, but I've decided I wanna try a new idea, and see if I can turn it into a series of stories. "Everything Wrong With..." (based off of Cinema Sins on YT.) Basically, I go through and point out all the "sins" of various stories. Note that this is entirely for fun (and the Rule of Funny), and the stories are ones I enjoy... or are my own work, as is the case with the first one I decided to do this with. With that... let the sin counting begin.

**Table of Fonts:**

Standard Text: Regular Dialogue/Storytelling

_Italics_: Emphasis, Sound Effects, thoughts

**Bold**: Navi's annoyingness, Boss Name

**Bold Underline**:Special Attacks (this is cried out)

_**Bold Italic**_: Deity speech

CAPS: Yelling

Underline: Flashback/History, name of location

_Italic Underline_: Dream

**BOLD CAPS**: Dungeon name

**[Author makes a "table" of what text formats he uses so he doesn't lose track of what they are used for.]**

**[Also, these are not "fonts"]**

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><p><strong>Prologue: A Fairy for Link! The Start of a Grand Journey!<strong>

Kokiri Forest, Hyrule

_Link stared ahead at the walls of Hyrule Castle Town. The sky above was black from rain clouds, the rain falling down and turning the beautiful field into an ominous witness to the events unfolding. The bridge lowered, and out raced a horse, carrying a woman and a girl. The girl looked at Link, her eyes full of fear as the horse passed him up._

_"ZELDAAAA!" Link cries out. Following behind them was a dark man riding on a black horse. He rears the horse when he reaches Link. His left hand raises up, then he points it at Link__._

Before anything else could happen, Link wakes up, drenched in cold sweat. "Phew. Just another nightmare," Link says, sitting upright. He decides to get up, especially when he hears a voice calling out his name.

**[Author uses mixed tenses.]**

**[Also, Link waking up from a dream cliché]**

"Yoo-hoo! Link! Are you awake up there?" Link steps out and sees his best friend, Saria.

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><p>~~Meanwhile~~<p>

"_**Navi... Navi, where art thou? Come hither..." A wizened voice calls out. A small fairy flies up to the tree that spoke the words. "Oh, Navi the fairy... Listen to my words, the words of the Deku Tree... Dost thou sense it? The climate of evil descending upon this realm... Malevolent forces even now are mustering to attack our land of Hyrule... For so long, the Kokiri Forest, the source of life, has stood as a barrier, deterring outsiders and maintaining the order of the world... But...before this tremendous evil power, even my power is as nothing. It seems the time has come for the boy without a fairy to begin his journey... The youth whose destiny it is to lead Hyrule to the path of justice and truth... Navi...go now! Find our young friend and guide him to me... I do not have much time left. Fly, Navi, fly! The fate of the forest, nay, the world, depends upon thee!**_"

**[Text shamelessly taken straight from the game.]**

The fairy nods in understanding, the flies off toward the Kokiri Village.

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><p>~~Back at Kokiri Village~~<p>

Link decided to forego the ladder, and jumped down to where Saria stood, landing neatly. He got up. "Hey, Saria! What's going on?" he asked her.

**[How do you "land neatly"?]**

Saria just huffed at him. "You show-off! You're gonna get yourself killed one of these days!" she said, then smiled. Just then, Navi flew by and ran into Link's head. The fairy had been traveling so fast, she knocked the Kokiri boy the the ground.

**[Typical "knock over the person you need to help" cliché.]**

"Ooops… sorry! **Hey!** Are you okay?" she asked, flying down to Link's level.

Link got up, grumbling. Navi could distinctly hear something about "stupid fairies" and "watch where they're flyin'", and "like they own the place". She decided that her news was much more important.

**[What the hero says is unimportant! Also, an additinal sin for forgetting to mention that Link talks.]**

"**Hey! Listen!** The Great Deku Tree wants to see you!" she told Link. Saria gasped in surprise.

"Wow, Link! Not only do you finally get a fairy, but you even get to go see the Great Deku Tree!" she said. "You'd better hurry! I'll see you at the shop later! Don't be late!" she said, taking off toward her house.

Link looked at Navi. "Guess we'd better not keep the Great Deku Tree waiting, eh?" he said. Navi flew in front of Link as he walked, leading him to the Great Deku Tree. However, there was one obstacle… Mido.

"Hey, Mr. No Fairy! Where do you think you're going?" Mido challenged. He started to say more, but stopped when he saw Link's fairy. "What?! You've got a fairy?!" Mido asked in surprise.

**[Mido is a dick.]**

Link nodded. "Yeah, now I need to go see the Great Deku Tree... he summoned me, so move out of my way, Mido!" Link replied.

"Say what? The Great Deku Tree actually summoned you? Whaaaaaaat?! Why would he summon you and not the great Mido? This isn't funny..." he said, the last comment being made because a couple of the Kokiri passing by were laughing at Mido's reaction.

He then saw that Link had no sword or shield. "I don't believe it! You aren't even fully equipped yet! How do you think you're going to help the Great Deku Tree without both a sword and shield ready?" he asked Link.

Link grew angry. Who did Mido think he was? Link decided to give Mido a piece of his own medicine. "Well, you don't have anything either." Link pointed out. "What? Did the 'Great' Mido finally slip up?"

Mido stared at him in surprise. "What? You're right. I don't have my equipment ready, but... If you want you pass through here, you should at least equip a sword and shield! Sheesh!"

**[More lines taken shamelessly straight from the game]**

Link walked away, grumbling. He quickly ran through the grass, picking up Rupees. He walked over to the store, where he knew they sold shields. There, Link saw some rocks in front of the store. He decided to help, and was rewarded by the shopkeeper 20 Rupees and a discount coupon. Link stepped inside, and used the coupon to buy a Deku Shield. He then went to the Forest Training Grounds, and crawled into the hole there…

**[Cliffhanger.]**

**[Also, this is considered a "prologue", even though it takes place within normal gameplay in the actual game.]**

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><p><strong>Notes on the Chapter:<strong>

**[Oh, dear God... not another one of these authors...]**

**1. Yes, I did copy pasta the script from the game. No, I do not feel cheap for doing so. No, it's not gonna be changed.**

**[Shameless admittance to stealing from the game's text.]**

** , Navi _is_ going to be in here! Yes, she will be annoying. No, she will not have a change in personality. However, she's confined to the OoT parts of the story. **

**[Forgot to number the second note.]**

**[Navi is annoying cliché.]**

**Chapter Sin Count: 16**

**Story Sin Count: 16**

**No fanfic is without sin...**

**A/N: Hope you all enjoyed me poking fun at myself.**


	2. Chapter 2

**A/N: Time for more sins!**

Dislcaimer: I do not own Kingdom Hearts or, sadly, the Legend of Zelda.

**Table of Fonts:**

Standard Text: Regular Dialogue/Storytelling

_Italics_: Emphasis, Sound Effects, thoughts

**Bold**: Navi's annoyingness, Boss Name

**Bold Underline**:Special Attacks (this is cried out)

_**Bold Italic**_: Deity speech

CAPS: Yelling

Underline: Flashback/History, name of location

_Italic Underline_: Dream

**[Still not fonts.]**

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><p><strong>Prologue: Dire Situation! The Heartless Attack!<strong>

Destiny Islands, Scattered Realms

**[Story requires two prologues in order to set up the story, not just one]**

Sora awoke on the beach of the Destiny Islands. He'd had the weirdest dream. He then got up to the sound of a voice chastising him. "I knew I'd find you snoozing down here, Sora!" Sora turned around and faced Kairi.

**[Oh, good. I was worried you were gonna be vague about the dream.]**

"No! It's nothing like that, Kairi!" Sora said. "I was in this weird place with glass floors, and this giant monster attacked me!"

Kairi snorted. "You lazy bum, Sora!" she said.

"Yeah, no thanks to you two that our raft is done." Both of them turned around to see a silver-haired boy staring at them, holding a log over his shoulder.

"Hey! Shut up, Riku!" Sora said, getting defensive.

Riku laughed, tossing the log aside. "Sheesh… no need to get all defensive. You're always so uptight, Sora!" Riku replies. Being unable to help themselves, Sora and Kairi both laugh as well.

**[Sora was stated as getting defensive, and then you have another character point it out? Really?]**

Sora then stops. "Wait! Did you say the raft is finished?" he asks.

Riku nods in response. "Yep. Again, no thanks to you two." Riku replied.

Sora and Kairi rushed off to the raft. When they arrived, Sora stared in awe. Really, the raft was pathetic looking, but Sora didn't care. It was the culmination of weeks of hard work so they could explore the world. Sora grabbed the flag that they had on the raft and stepped out into the ocean.

**[It takes weeks to build a measly raft that the castaways of Gilligan's Island can build in 20 minutes? Bullsh*t!]**

"C'mon guys! We're gonna go see the world! Right?" Sora glanced back. Riku and Kairi just shook their heads.

**[Sora's brashness is a sin, no matter if it's in character or not. Mark up one sin.]**

Sora rejoined his friends. Riku stared at the excitable kid. "Well, it'd be best to leave tomorrow. That gives us the rest of today to make sure that everything is prepared properly." Riku said. Kairi nodded in agreement.

The three friends spent the rest of the day preparing everything and just playing.

Sora, at one point, broke away from his friends and went to the Secret Cave. Sora walked in, thinking back on the memories that this place held for him. All the way at the back, Sora approached a wall that had two heads drawn on it. One was Kairi's, and the other was Sora's.

"Before we go…" Sora muttered, picking up a rock. He drew a hand extending from his portrait to Kairi's, and draw a Paopu Fruit in his hand. It was believed that any who shared a Paopu Fruit had intertwined destinies; they'd be a part of each other's destiny, no matter what. He then returned to his friends.

At sunset, the three departed for their homes.

**[So, what... no explanation as to what they were doing? They were preparing to go see the world... so, can we just assume that there's no preparation required to go on a measly raft to sail?]**

* * *

><p>Later that night, ominous-looking clouds formed over the islands.<p>

Sora stared out his window and saw the clouds. "Looks like a storm is coming…" he muttered. He then sat upright. "Our raft! I'd better go make sure that it doesn't get destroyed!" Sora thought.

**[That piece of sh*t raft was probably blown away in the wind.]**

He headed out, ignoring the Shadows that formed after him. He first of all went to the bent tree where Riku normally sat. There, he saw Riku covered in darkness.

"Riku! Where's Kairi?" Sora shouted over the wind that had been blowing. Riku turned to his friend. "Don't worry, Sora, Kairi's coming. We don't need to be afraid anymore. Don't fear the darkness, Sora!" Riku said, extending his hand. Sora went to reach for it, but was pulled into the darkness.

_It's so dark… there's nothing… _Sora thought as he floated in the dark. Then, there was a bright flash of light, and he was back on the islands. Riku was nowhere to be found.

**[Deus ex Machina, anyone?]**

Sora then rushed off to the Secret Cave, and there saw Kairi by the drawing. She turned around. Sora saw a strange door behind her, which he and Riku had seen as kids.

"Sora…" Kairi said. Before Sora could do anything, a burst of energy came from the door. Kairi was propelled forward.

"KAIRI!" Sora shouted, holding his arms out to catch her. However, her body seemed to disappear just as it hit Sora. After the energy had dissipated, Sora turned from the cave.

When he went outside, he was confronted by a giant shadow monster.

"Just like in my dream!" Sora said. The creature looked at him, and he was almost engulfed in darkness again. However, a strange voice called out to him.

_**Do not be afraid, for you possess the strongest weapon in the world. **_Sora felt his hand get heavy. When he looked at his hand, he saw that he was wielding a giant key.

**[Oh, look! More Deus ex Machina!]**

"A key? Or is it a sword?" Sora asked himself. _**The Keyblade… the power within you.**_ The voice rang out again. It came from nowhere, but sounded like it came from everywhere.

"Keyblade, huh?" Sora asked. He then charged forward, attacking the Shadows. _**The Darkside is your main concern.**_ The voice pointed. However, Sora had to hack and slash his way through the monsters in order to get to Darkside.

"Don't mess with me! I've been sword fighting with Riku for ages!" he challenged. He then found himself in front of the Darkside. "You're huge! How do I get to you?" he asked.

_**Aim for the eyes. An enemy cannot train one's eyes.**_ "Eyes, eh?" Sora replied. He then flew forward. "Take that!" he shouted, smacking the Darkside in the face. Unlike the Shadows, his blade rebounded. Sora landed, and started to charge forward again.

"You want another one? Here you g-!" he shouted, then was interrupted. The ground below him started to crack, and soon the entire islands disintegrated. Sora fell into an endless black abyss, screaming all the way…

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><p><strong>AN: Next chapter is when we'll see Sora and Link meet. How will they handle each other? Find out later!**

**Notes on the Chapter:**

**1. Sora's dream was initially supposed to include meeting Link, but it was cut from the final version. I don't know why...**

**[Don't tell anyone that you cut stuff out! That makes them think you're a bad author. This might have made the story better!]**

**2. Yes, some of the dialogue is from the TokyoPop manga. Why? Because it's my fic, and I can do what I want!**

**[I'm the author, I can do what I want!]**

**3. No, I did not forget to give Darkside a Boss's intro. It's not really a boss fight, so I didn't see a need for one.**

**[This boss isn't actually a boss? What the f*ck?]**

**A/N: Hope you enjoy more of me poking fun at myself!**

**Chapter Sin Count: 13**

**Story Sin Count: 29**

**No story is without sin...**


End file.
